Father 'forced son to eat his poor school report card'

Now I'm as disappointed as you guys are that this is just a library picture. Still, sterling work from the boys on the picture desk here.

A single euro's worth of damages does seems a bit feeble though. If my old man did this to me I'd at the very least have blackmailed a SNES out of him to buy my silence.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1281617/Father-forced-son-eat-bad-school-report.html

Disabled grandfather arrested by EIGHT police officers for drink-driving on his 4mph mobility scooter

I love this one. He looks a bit like he's posing for a byeline photo, the mad old alky. But downing seven pints and hopping onto a scooter? A man's gotta know his limitations.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1281474/Mobility-scooter-boozer-62-arrested-police-officers-marked-cars.html

Driver orders toddler off bus for wearing 'offensive' England football shirt

1) I bet this never happened, just like those halfwits who posted their Facebook statuses as 'OMG THE POLIS JUST TOLD MY PUB THEY HAD 2 TAK THEIR WORLD CUP FLAGS DOWN CUZ MUSLIMS COMPLAINED EDL LOL'

2) Would you look at the fucking state of that.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1281019/Driver-orders-toddler-bus-wearing-offensive-England-football-shirt.html

Man aged 33 is refused a bottle of wine in Tesco... because he had no ID

It's quite flattering at your age. To be honest mate, you could use all the compliments you get.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1281063/Engaged-33-year-old-refused-bottle-wine-Tesco--ID.html

Grandmother fined £50 for picking up wrong dog mess (even though she picked up her dog's too)

Gonna have to leave this one to my man Clay Davis:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1279632/Grandmother-fined-50-picking-wrong-dog-mess-picked-dogs-too.html

Lesbian couple 'forced out of church for holding hands in the pews'

As you'd expect the comments are golden on this one. Thanks, Kin from Barnet:

"you have to understand, what they are doing and the relationship they are in is a sin, there is no greater sin as sin is sin. The Church was a bit hard kicking them out, and pretty sure many others have sin. The church must remember that God loves the people but hates the sin. The only thing is that people who continue to sin should not take up leadership role within the church, people should start reading the bible more especially when Jesus question the public when they were going to stone a girl to death, no one throw a stone after what he said. do not let political change interfere with your principle in the bible."

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1278349/Lesbians-forced-church-holding-hands-pews.html

Shopkeeper bars 17-year-old cyclist from buying puncture repair kit... 'in case he sniffs the glue'

The Tories have only been in power five minutes and they're already pulling this shit. Anyway, I thought the kids were boshing the plant food these days?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1278085/Shopkeeper-stops-17-year-old-buying-puncture-repair-kit-fix-bike-case-sniffs-glue.html

Pet rescue centre refuses to hand back lost dog to widow, saying: 'Sorry, we sold her'

Tells you what, that mutt was GOOD EATIN'.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1273768/Pet-rescue-centre-refuses-hand-lost-dog-widow-saying-Sorry-sold-her.html

'Anti-ginger bullies forced our daughter out of school'

After seeing that M.I.A. video the other day they want to keep her indoors for safety's sake, or consider investing in a balaclava.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1270379/Anti-ginger-bullies-forced-daughter-school.html

Mother left bedbound by N cup breasts has operation to remove 2.5 stone of flesh from her chest

FIT.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1271378/Bedbound-boobs-Julia-Manihuari-operation-remove-2-5st-flesh.html

Facebook vigilante posts 6,000 photos of convicted paedophiles and sex offenders online as 'invaluable tool for parents'

"On a couple of occasions I have had paedophiles try and hunt me down. I guess it's an occupational hazard" 

I don't think you're their type, sweetheart.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1270064/Facebook-vigilante-posts-6-000-photos-convicted-paedophiles-sex-offenders-online-invaluable-tool-parents.html

What, no swings? Families' fury after council spends £70,000 on 'deathtrap playground which looks like a cemetery'

Sorry for the delayed updates, I've been moving house. This one looks like a stock photo for a Childline advert doesn't it? It does make you wonder what the photographer said to get the kid looking so glum - "There's been a terrible accident, yer mam and dad are dead....that's it, stop still now"

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1272740/Family-fury-Sunderland-council-spends-70-000-deathtrap-playground.html