Meet Britain's most accident prone man (but don't get too close!)

Can someone explain to me how he managed to 'stab himself in the stomach while whittling a stick', and what the hell whittling a stick is? Is it some kind of pre-industrial revolution McJob?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1265340/Meet-Britains-accident-prone-man-dont-close.html

Woman, 86, 'threatened by security staff at Marks & Spencer... for eating biscuit in wrong part of the store'

To quote Bernard Manning (and Didier Drogba), 'it's a fucking disgrace'

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1265398/Marks--Spencer-staff-threatened-86-year-old-lady-eating-cookie-wrong-store.html