Mother and daughter banned from Disneyland... because they were dressed as fairy princesses

Fancy dress is for wankers, so I'm shoulder to shoulder with Uncle Walt here.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1267480/Mother-daughter-banned-Disneyland--dressed-fairy-princesses.html

M&S staff refuse to push cancer sufferer's trolley to her car 'because we are not insured to cross the road'

I'd have got it delivered myself. Doing the big shop is a right old faff.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1266401/M-S-staff-refuse-push-cancer-sufferers-trolley-car-insured.html

Caravanner, 61, prosecuted for having Swiss Army knife in his glove box... to cut up fruit on picnics

Just eat the skins you pussy, they're good for you.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1266170/Disabled-caravanner-prosecuted-keeping-penknife-car-use-picnics.html

The innocents branded yobs and perverts in crime record blunders

Oh my gosh! This one's a stinker:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1265750/Thousands-falsely-branded-criminals-bungling-CRB.html

Village hall used by professional dominatrix called 'Mistress Tia' to film bondage sessions

Would have preferred a pic of Disgusted Of Waters Upton, but you have to carry on don't you? That's how we beat the Germans.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1265382/Slave-trader-Village-hall-used-professional-dominatrix-called-Mistress-Tia-secret-bondage-sessions.html

Homeowner hit by burglars three times... after they spotted his garage door left open on Street View

 

Should have left it shut then.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1265573/Google-Street-View-helped-thieves-rob-mountain-bike-garage.html

Meet Britain's most accident prone man (but don't get too close!)

Can someone explain to me how he managed to 'stab himself in the stomach while whittling a stick', and what the hell whittling a stick is? Is it some kind of pre-industrial revolution McJob?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1265340/Meet-Britains-accident-prone-man-dont-close.html

Woman, 86, 'threatened by security staff at Marks & Spencer... for eating biscuit in wrong part of the store'

To quote Bernard Manning (and Didier Drogba), 'it's a fucking disgrace'

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1265398/Marks--Spencer-staff-threatened-86-year-old-lady-eating-cookie-wrong-store.html

U R sacked: Shop manager's disgust at being made redundant by text message

I think that's the least of his worries to be honest. Looking at his hair and phone, he appears to be trapped in 1999.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1264168/Leicestershire-shop-manager-sacked-text-message.html

Holiday ruined after Ryanair tells passenger 'You can't fly - the ink on your boarding pass is too FAINT'

I'm a bit perturbed by the picture agency credit here. Are they in-house?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1264163/Holiday-ruined-Ryanair-tells-passenger-You-fly--ink-boarding-pass-FAINT.html