Pet rescue centre refuses to hand back lost dog to widow, saying: 'Sorry, we sold her'

Tells you what, that mutt was GOOD EATIN'.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1273768/Pet-rescue-centre-refuses-hand-lost-dog-widow-saying-Sorry-sold-her.html

'Anti-ginger bullies forced our daughter out of school'

After seeing that M.I.A. video the other day they want to keep her indoors for safety's sake, or consider investing in a balaclava.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1270379/Anti-ginger-bullies-forced-daughter-school.html

Mother left bedbound by N cup breasts has operation to remove 2.5 stone of flesh from her chest

FIT.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1271378/Bedbound-boobs-Julia-Manihuari-operation-remove-2-5st-flesh.html

Facebook vigilante posts 6,000 photos of convicted paedophiles and sex offenders online as 'invaluable tool for parents'

"On a couple of occasions I have had paedophiles try and hunt me down. I guess it's an occupational hazard" 

I don't think you're their type, sweetheart.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1270064/Facebook-vigilante-posts-6-000-photos-convicted-paedophiles-sex-offenders-online-invaluable-tool-parents.html

What, no swings? Families' fury after council spends £70,000 on 'deathtrap playground which looks like a cemetery'

Sorry for the delayed updates, I've been moving house. This one looks like a stock photo for a Childline advert doesn't it? It does make you wonder what the photographer said to get the kid looking so glum - "There's been a terrible accident, yer mam and dad are dead....that's it, stop still now"

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1272740/Family-fury-Sunderland-council-spends-70-000-deathtrap-playground.html

Under-16 netball team need oxygen after getting stuck in hotel lift for almost THREE hours

This one is right on the fucking line isn't it? My keyboard releases toxic vapours that make you suggestible. You know I must say I actually feel more suggestible and that's just from one sniff.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1269529/Under-16-netball-team-gets-stuck-hotel-lift-nearly-hours.html

Police breathalyse CHILDREN at village disco to stop anti-social behaviour

Your friends all say..."Where is our boy ? Oh, we've lost our boy" 

Apologies for the blurriness of the pic, I assume the Mail's online team are too busy playing Farmville.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1269149/Police-breathalyse-CHILDREN-village-disco-stop-anti-social-behaviour.html

Cardboard gestapo: Woman threatened with £300 fine over box that was too big for recycling bin slot

A whole SIX MONTHS of hell!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1268833/Grandmothers-month-court-ordeal-leaving-cardboard-box-recycling-bin.html

Granny flat dust-up: Distraught pensioner wrestles with police and jumps in front of the digger sent to demolish her £1million luxury annexe

 

I think I saw her on 'Danny Dyer's Deadliest Extensions' on Bravo the other week.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1268788/Pensioner-jumps-digger-sent-demolish-1million-luxury-annexe.html

Like 'the last days of Saigon': Angry and stranded, 350 British tourists cause near-riot at Bangkok airport

Yes, it's JUST like the fall of Saigon. Jeremy and Tamsin had to run for their lives when the NVA stormed the airport Starbucks. Bloody natives don't speak a word of English either. A very cruel race.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1268355/Iceland-volcano-Like-days-Saigon-stranded-British-tourists-cause-chaos-Bangkok-airport.html