Wednesday, 28 April 2010

Under-16 netball team need oxygen after getting stuck in hotel lift for almost THREE hours

This one is right on the fucking line isn't it? My keyboard releases toxic vapours that make you suggestible. You know I must say I actually feel more suggestible and that's just from one sniff.

Saturday, 24 April 2010

Like 'the last days of Saigon': Angry and stranded, 350 British tourists cause near-riot at Bangkok airport

Yes, it's JUST like the fall of Saigon. Jeremy and Tamsin had to run for their lives when the NVA stormed the airport Starbucks. Bloody natives don't speak a word of English either. A very cruel race.

Monday, 12 April 2010

Meet Britain's most accident prone man (but don't get too close!)

Can someone explain to me how he managed to 'stab himself in the stomach while whittling a stick', and what the hell whittling a stick is? Is it some kind of pre-industrial revolution McJob?

Woman, 86, 'threatened by security staff at Marks & Spencer... for eating biscuit in wrong part of the store'

To quote Bernard Manning (and Didier Drogba), 'it's a fucking disgrace'