Lesbian couple 'forced out of church for holding hands in the pews'

As you'd expect the comments are golden on this one. Thanks, Kin from Barnet:

"you have to understand, what they are doing and the relationship they are in is a sin, there is no greater sin as sin is sin. The Church was a bit hard kicking them out, and pretty sure many others have sin. The church must remember that God loves the people but hates the sin. The only thing is that people who continue to sin should not take up leadership role within the church, people should start reading the bible more especially when Jesus question the public when they were going to stone a girl to death, no one throw a stone after what he said. do not let political change interfere with your principle in the bible."

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1278349/Lesbians-forced-church-holding-hands-pews.html

Shopkeeper bars 17-year-old cyclist from buying puncture repair kit... 'in case he sniffs the glue'

The Tories have only been in power five minutes and they're already pulling this shit. Anyway, I thought the kids were boshing the plant food these days?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1278085/Shopkeeper-stops-17-year-old-buying-puncture-repair-kit-fix-bike-case-sniffs-glue.html

Pet rescue centre refuses to hand back lost dog to widow, saying: 'Sorry, we sold her'

Tells you what, that mutt was GOOD EATIN'.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1273768/Pet-rescue-centre-refuses-hand-lost-dog-widow-saying-Sorry-sold-her.html

'Anti-ginger bullies forced our daughter out of school'

After seeing that M.I.A. video the other day they want to keep her indoors for safety's sake, or consider investing in a balaclava.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1270379/Anti-ginger-bullies-forced-daughter-school.html

Mother left bedbound by N cup breasts has operation to remove 2.5 stone of flesh from her chest

FIT.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1271378/Bedbound-boobs-Julia-Manihuari-operation-remove-2-5st-flesh.html

Facebook vigilante posts 6,000 photos of convicted paedophiles and sex offenders online as 'invaluable tool for parents'

"On a couple of occasions I have had paedophiles try and hunt me down. I guess it's an occupational hazard" 

I don't think you're their type, sweetheart.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1270064/Facebook-vigilante-posts-6-000-photos-convicted-paedophiles-sex-offenders-online-invaluable-tool-parents.html

What, no swings? Families' fury after council spends £70,000 on 'deathtrap playground which looks like a cemetery'

Sorry for the delayed updates, I've been moving house. This one looks like a stock photo for a Childline advert doesn't it? It does make you wonder what the photographer said to get the kid looking so glum - "There's been a terrible accident, yer mam and dad are dead....that's it, stop still now"

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1272740/Family-fury-Sunderland-council-spends-70-000-deathtrap-playground.html

Under-16 netball team need oxygen after getting stuck in hotel lift for almost THREE hours

This one is right on the fucking line isn't it? My keyboard releases toxic vapours that make you suggestible. You know I must say I actually feel more suggestible and that's just from one sniff.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1269529/Under-16-netball-team-gets-stuck-hotel-lift-nearly-hours.html

Police breathalyse CHILDREN at village disco to stop anti-social behaviour

Your friends all say..."Where is our boy ? Oh, we've lost our boy" 

Apologies for the blurriness of the pic, I assume the Mail's online team are too busy playing Farmville.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1269149/Police-breathalyse-CHILDREN-village-disco-stop-anti-social-behaviour.html

Cardboard gestapo: Woman threatened with £300 fine over box that was too big for recycling bin slot

A whole SIX MONTHS of hell!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1268833/Grandmothers-month-court-ordeal-leaving-cardboard-box-recycling-bin.html